C.S. Lewis = inspiration

I was recently asked to pick a book and lead discussion for a book club and I picked C.S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce." The leader of the book club knew of my Aslan painting and asked if I would talk about the way C.S. Lewis inspired my artwork, too.

Aslan, lost in the toy room behind piles of puzzles.

Lately, I've been trying to rediscover some of my old dreams, and this inspiration points to one of my dream projects that I'd like to re-discover.  I painted the above painting, and all the below sketches (except one) around eight years ago. When I was painting Aslan, I dreamed of painting a whole series of religious symbolism in the Chronicles of Narnia. Aslan, obviously, is the Christ.

The second painting would be the Crucifixion, but I think I would title it "Breaking the bonds of death." I planned on having a detailed stone table with a crack down the middle. In the background would be a dramatic sunrise framed by the silhouettes of arching branches.

I remember after sketching this being really disappointed at the precarious look and frailty of the stone table. Breaking the bonds of death is a big deal, a miracle, not something that could happen casually because of poor construction. I compare the stone table to the rent in the temple veil after Christ died on the cross. They say the temple veil was a hand's width thick. I've also heard three inches and four inches. I don't have any authoritative sources for that information, but that's what I imagine when I think of a rent veil. It was a completely impossible, miraculous miracle that the veil was ripped. I wanted the stone table to feel that way, too.

So I did research on historical and fictional sacrificial tables/altars and languages. I eventually felt like the one in the middle of the right page below gave the feel I was looking for, inspired by a sacrificial table from Luxor, Egypt, engraved with a language that I made up.

The third painting would be the Resurrection. When Aslan goes to the White Queen's court filled with creatures she has turned to stone, he breathes on them and brings them back to life, one by one. I envisioned a massive courtyard completely filled with dynamic creatures. The left half of the image would be vibrant with color and motion, Lucy dancing with Mr. Tumnus in unbridled joy, characters embracing each other again after untold amounts of time being separated by the immobility of stone. The right half of the image would be dark, dreary and gray, creatures frozen in stone, bodies in various positions. The legs of the giant would have color growing up from the feet, slowly working up the legs while Susan watched in amazement. The center of the image would be Aslan, calmly, patiently working his way through the courtyard. His regal calm is in contrast to the chaotic joy around him.

I'm kind of embarrassed by this sketch. I had clearly been sketching a lot of lions around this time, because Aslan seemed easy and well proportioned. My horses are atrocious. I have a unicorn, a pegasus, a centaur, and a generic horse rear in this that all need a tremendous amount of realistic horse character. I had another page where I wrote a list of all the creatures listed in the courtyard from the book, and on that page I had a few sketches that were similarly embarrassing (I didn't take a photo of that page).

Coming back to this 8 years later, it's obvious that this painting is the one that will take the most work, preparation, creativity, planning, etc. So, a couple weeks ago I rented a "how to draw horses" book from the library. I always disliked those kinds of books, but I needed to start somewhere. Here are some of my sketches from the past couple weeks.

The first three paintings came from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, but the rest of my ideas for religious symbolism come from other books in the series. In The Magician's Nephew, we hear the story of the creation of Narnia. One scene in the book struck me as a particularly stunning image representing Adam and Eve struggling over the forbidden fruit, which in this case is a bell that they are not supposed to ring. This painting would be called Forbidden Fruit. The sketch is only vaguely suggestive, and might not make sense unless you've read the book.

Make your choice, adventurous Stranger;

Strike the bell and bide the danger,

Or wonder, till it drives you mad,

What would have followed if you had.

One of the things that is so fascinating to me about this "Eden" as it would be, is the static nature of the world the two main characters were on. There were hundreds of people who were completely static figures. The room was filled with magic, but nothing could change... until the bell was hit. Our understanding of Eden is similar in that everything in the Garden remained the same until the first transgression.

I also had ideas for Repentence (Eustace as the Dragon in Voyage of the Dawn Treader) and several other gospel topics that escape me now. I'm kind of fired up about it again, but I don't know how realistic it is that I'll be able to work on this series. I'll see what I can do and keep you updated.

It's a Jungle Out There!

So, my one goal for a garden this year was to be successful growing tomatoes. Um. It worked. I have never seen such rampant tomato plants as the ones in my back yard right now.

They are literally as tall as me, and I am not a short person. The impromptu fence above is 4 feet tall, if that gives you something to measure by. These pictures were taken about a month ago, so they are even BIGGER now! So big that some of them have tipped over, cages and all, but are still growing. I potentially will have hundreds of tomatoes this year. Here's an overview of some of the plants in my garden

Tomato, cucumber, pepper, peas

My tomatoes are rocking. My cucumbers are doing so-so. I've already reaped about a half dozen of them, but several of them grow partially and then rot on the vine.  I don't get it. My peppers are much bigger now than the above picture. I'm really excited for them! My peas, which I have since uprooted since they were being overtaken by tomatoes and were out of season, were a delightful spring treat. The kids and I ate them all raw. It was a spring backyard daily task--go outside, pick peas and eat them right there. I also have lots of basil, which I don't have a picture of.

sunflower, raspberries, morning glory, carrots

Sunflowers have been fun. They are huge! Our biggest one is probably 10 feet tall. I'm hopping to harvest the seeds. Raspberries have been a surprise! I didn't expect to get as many berries as we've been getting this first year! Although, it's still not enough to last past the kids daily backyard visit, much like the peas. I love morning glories. They are beautiful. I was hesitant to plant them because they can be invasive, but I'd rather have morning glory vine than poison ivy, which is what used to be in the back yard. My root garden, the carrots and the onions, are not doing terribly well. I guess we'll have to wait until the end of the season to really see how they are doing...

This is the garden in the other corner of my yard, also with a jungle of tomatoes. Yup. I'm going to have a lot of tomatoes. In this bed, the tomatoes are taking over all the flowers around them. I have Marigolds, Forget-me-nots, Zinnias, Gladiolas (which haven't quite bloomed yet), and Dwarf Sunflowers (which I did not know were dwarf when I planted them in the back row).

Guess who?

Who's everyone's favorite feline with foot fashion sense?

Why Puss in Boots, of course!

I made this Puss in Boots marionette for Shrek the Musical at the local community theater. I had been wanting to make a Cat puppet for the Babe for about a year now, and this was a good incentive. I don't like how the eyes turned out, so I may change them. I also want to experiment with adding stripes with different dyes or markers. The kids love playing with it regardless.

I made him a marionette for the play, but I prefer hand puppets, so he is a hand puppet, too! I just clipped his mouth shut on the inside. I'll probably snip the strings and keep him as a hand puppet.

He sure is a fun puppet.

Motto

"Because I love the Father, I want the minds of men to be lifted when they look at me.
Because I am His daughter, I want my devotion to Him to be what they see."

-lyrics from "Virtue" by Jenny Phillips

Garden: Version 2013

I am attempting a garden once again. This time I've planted more seeds than ever before, but I don't yet have a place in my rented yard to put them. Hopefully that will be remedied within a couple weeks with a garden box.

I'm excited for my tomatoes. If all else fails, I want my tomatoes to work. I also have peppers, peas, basil, cucumbers, sunflowers, zinnias, marigolds and I plan on planting onions and other flowers as soon as the weather is right outside.

My 3 year-old is really excited about the plants. I let her pick out one of the planting kits for her to take responsibility of. She picked more sunflowers and planted a handful of the seeds in one pot. I think it's time to repot them.

Now if only we could get the weather to cooperate. Winter, go away! We want the sun!

Homemade whole wheat tortillas

Lately, I've been falling into a lazy rut when it comes to food. I've been feeding the kids lots of processed crackers, candy (thank you winter full of holidays), sweets and just generally things that aren't particularly good for me or them. I've been feeling the listlessness in my body.

On top of that, my little 3 year-old pretty consistently complains of a tummy ache. I think it might just be constipation, but I'm not helping it much with what I've been indulging in. It doesn't help that she's a super picky eater.

So I am re-inspired to take upon the quest of several years ago when I started making my own bread. I've fallen in and out of making my own bread in the past year, but I'm back on the bandwagon, and I'm taking it a step further. For the next two weeks I have decided to cut out all white flour and processed sugar. Whew. It's not going to be easy. I'm being helped by a blog called 100 days of real food. They have recipes and tips. I'm also SO glad I have a (borrowed) wheat grinder. It makes everything taste better.

Yesterday I made whole wheat tortillas for the first time. They were delicious and the kids ate them. Success!

I got the recipe here and I will definitely be doing this more often. I even had some help.

Vice

“Vice is a monster of so frightful mien
As to be hated needs but to be seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace.”

-Alexander Pope

Impossible Jobs

My husband says I have a knack for nearly impossible home improvement projects. I start with an expectation of difficulty, but discover a reality of near impossibility.

Current example: Removing wallpaper from the kids' bedroom wall in our rental home. There was blue striped floral wallpaper that was essentially falling off the walls at certain spots. It needed to go. I got the required permission from the landlord and started the task, knowing wallpaper removal was a tough job.

Under the blue striped wallpaper I discovered a layer of dull green paint, a layer of peach paint, maybe a layer of pink paint, and two more layers of wallpaper on top of the original plaster walls.

Who thinks it's a good idea to paint over wallpaper? Not me. I'm saving the worst wall for last. A previous resident here tried to paint over the peeling blue striped floral wallpaper and failed. It's bubbling to the point that my three year old can easily tear off patches--but only patches. Sheesh. Old house charm, I guess. I hope I can finish this project with my sanity intact.

I have big lovely plans of white wainscotting and warm gray walls with splashes of colorful wall hangings when I'm done with the nightmarish wallpaper removal.

Music of Life

To play a wrong note is insignificant;
To play without passion is inexcusable.

-Ludwig Van Beethoven

Houndstooth - in progress

 I have seen houndstooth patterns all over for the past few years. A couple years ago I realized how easy it would be to make a quilt with this pattern and discovered there are TONS of examples online. Most of them have just two colors, but I like more color, so I was inspired by the scrappy one above.

I decided to finally just do it. I mapped out a size with colors that I like and have scraps of.

And I got started! I hope I can finish it soon!

Puppet flashback

Two and a half years ago I made two puppets that I never posted. Technically I never finished them, but I probably never will, so the introductions are past due. One of them has been played with a LOT. He even was given the name "monster" by my then 18-month old. Meet Monster.

He is loved at our house. In fact, I've had to repair him twice because he wasn't made sturdy enough to play with long term. His ears are sitting in my ribbon box and his hair seemed like such a big job I never got around to it.

The second little nameless Miss was intended to be my puppet that I would want to play with and use to interact with the kids. I made her eyes green like mine and her fabric red, which is one of my favorite colors. She was going to be a little bit of a diva, so I wanted to give her lips and eyelashes.

She has two major flaws. The first - I ran out of the fabric before I finished connecting the body to the head. Notice the lack of neck? There is just a few inches too little to make it look decent.

The second flaw, and this one was enough to make me not even interested in finishing her - once her hair was on, she overwhelmingly reminded me of Tori Spelling circa 90210. It's the chin and lips. I kind of detest this puppet now. Isn't that sad?

Anyway, I'm getting excited to make more puppets, so stay tuned. We'll see if it happens. I have a few other wish list projects on my plate. I plan on making a post about those soon to keep me motivated and inspired.

The impressionable memory of a 3 year-old

About three months ago I was commissioned to do several illustrations related to sex ed. I worked on these primarily when my children were sleeping, but there was one point when my 3 year-old saw me working and asked about the pictures. I tried to explain them simply in terms she understood.

She was very interested in the baby in utero pictures and talked about them for several days. Over two months later she drew this:

She had a little blob for the baby but was unsatisfied, so she asked me to help draw the baby. I did and then she "colored it in." She was careful to include a way out, with similar texture as was illustrated in one of the female anatomy illustrations I drew, and she deliberately included a line to label the baby, also a feature in the anatomy illustrations.

This was amazing to me for two reasons, 1) her memory is pretty much amazing. She hadn't seen these pictures in over two months, then decided to draw them, pretty anatomically correct for a 3 year-old and 2) she doesn't like to draw and the one rare moment she wants to, she drew that! What? Crazy girl.

Prayer

This is a talk I gave today in church.

One of my most vivid memories growing up is also one that was frequently repeated. It would be late and some sort of childhood catastrophe had happened that required the aid of my mother, perhaps I was treated unjustly by a sibling, or I had an urgent question. I would call up the stairs for my mom to help resolve the issue, but there would be no response. I knew she was up there and awake so I would climb the stairs, open her door, and find her kneeling by her bed in fervent, silent prayer. From past experiences with this same setting, I knew that my problem would wait. I was not her priority at that moment. Sometimes I would sit in the hall and wait for what seemed like hours, but all of us kids knew that when Mom was praying, we didn’t interrupt. My mom’s example had a profound impact on the way I viewed prayer. I always knew from a young age that prayer was a real form of communication, that it was important. Prayer helped sustain my mother as she raised her six kids. I remember kneeling together in family prayer and hearing her pray for each of us by name, listing the struggles we were experiencing, asking for the aid of heaven. I remember other times while I sat in the hall as a teenager waiting for her, wondering if she was praying for my wayward brother, or my sister on her mission, or praying for my struggles that she may or may not have known about, knowing how specific her prayers were. I remember having moments in college where I could feel the effects of her prayers for me, I could feel the powers of heaven blessing me because of her prayers.

Prayer is as old as humanity, but it is by no means out dated. It remains one of the most accessible forms of communication. We don’t need to pay a monthly service fee. We don’t need gadgets or keyboards. We don’t even need to speak out loud and our Heavenly Father will listen, will hear the pleading of our hearts. Not only is it the most accessible form of communication, it is also the most rewarding. Prayer is what led the young Joseph Smith to discover the truth of the gospel. Prayer is what led to miracle after miracle in the Old Testament. Prayer is what converted and saved Alma the Younger. Prayer is how faith is displayed. Prayer is a blessing of unimaginable magnitude.

What a privilege it is to pray to an all-knowing, loving Heavenly Father who only wants us to live so we can receive every blessing he can bestow upon us. 

How We Pray

I have a lot of favorite primary songs, so I guess it’s a good thing that I’m serving in the primary right now. One of the songs that has stuck with me and come to my mind many times is about prayer. It goes like this: 

I kneel to pray every day, I speak to Heavenly Father. 

He hears and answers me when I pray in Faith. 

I begin by saying dear Heavenly Father, 

I thank Him for blessings He sends. 

Then humbly I ask Him for things that I need, 

in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 

I would like to talk about the different parts of our prayers using the lines of the second verse of this song as my guide. It starts with

“I begin by saying Dear Heavenly Father.” There are myriad names that our Heavenly Father has been known by in the history of mankind, but in our church we choose to use the term Heavenly Father as our primary title. Why is that? I believe it is because this title more than any other helps remind us of the intimate relationship we have with him. He is not some distant God to be feared only. He is the Father of our spirit. We lived with him before we came to Earth. He taught us. He knows us each by name and personality. He may know us even better than we know ourselves. He loves us and wants us to come back to him, and somewhere, though the feelings and memories have been hidden by the veil, we know we want to return to him, too. This relationship—that of a Father yearning for his child as his child is away from home—is what we have. By respectfully using the title Heavenly Father, we reaffirm and remind ourselves that we are children of God.

The next line in the song goes “I thank Him for blessings He sends.” I think we often underestimate the value of gratitude. A few years ago I was feeling very apocalyptic. I was sure that the world was on the verge of falling apart. I didn’t have any idea how it would happen, whether there would be a massive worldwide economic collapse, natural disasters or something more individual. All I did know was that I had a strong testimony that the prophet would give us the knowledge we needed to be safe. As General Conference approached, I was dedicated to doing whatever task the prophet would direct us to do (I was thinking food storage, humanitarian aid, missionary work, etc). My convictions were strengthened when several of the speakers before the prophet at that conference chose to talk about the divine direction that the Prophet receives for the whole church. Finally the moment came when President Monson stood for his pivotal talk. I almost held my breath as he made small talk about the choir’s last number, waiting to hear the topic of his instruction. You can imagine I was a bit confused and disappointed when he spoke gently and directly on gratitude. Part of me was relieved that the world was not ending yet. I still knew that the Prophet’s instruction would be what saved me, so I hung on every one of his words anyway.  He quoted a scripture from Doctrine and Covenants 59, “Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things…. And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things.”

It’s easy to think of all the things that go wrong during any given day. It’s easy to blame, criticize and complain. In prayer it’s easy to think only of the things you want and need. There is wisdom in the direction we receive to offer gratitude in our prayers before we ask for blessings. The mental strength that comes from the meditative process of counting blessings helps put our needs and wants into better perspective. I have been given the challenge on several occasions to offer a daily prayer of only gratitude. I’ve always been surprised at how easy this is. At first it seems like an unfair request, it seems foreign to not ask for anything in a prayer and perhaps challenging to think of things to be thankful for. Every time I’ve decided to offer a prayer of gratitude, I’ve knelt down, opened my prayer, and suddenly my mind is filled with so many blessings that I can’t help but feel overwhelming thanksgiving. My prayers of gratitude easily take as long, or longer than my fervent prayers of request.

The primary song then leads us to the next part of the prayer, “Then humbly I ask Him for things that I need.” What sort of things do you need from the Lord? Think about this. The key word in this part of the song for me is “humbly.” Remember that Heavenly Father knows what you need before you ask for it (Matthew 6:8). It’s in the asking where your faith and willingness to act shows Heavenly Father you’re ready for His blessings. Ask for personal needs in your life. Ask for blessings. Ask for forgiveness. Ask for peace and the comfort of the Spirit. Ask for spiritual gifts. Pray for others. Sometimes I make lists of what to include in my prayer because I don’t want to forget someone or something that has been on my mind. Your faithful prayers on others behalf are sincerely heard and answered. Based on my experience with my mother growing up, I know there is real power in parental prayers. Another example we have of this power is when Alma prayed for his son, Alma the younger in the book of Mosiah (27:14). Alma senior prayed with so much faith, as did his people, that an angel appeared to Alma the younger and said, “Behold, the Lord hath heard the prayers of his people, and also the prayers of his servant, Alma, who is thy father; for he has prayed with much faith concerning thee that though mightest be brought to the knowledge of the truth; therefore, for this purpose have I come to convince thee of the power and authority of God, that the prayers of his servants might be answered according to their faith.”

We always close our prayers “in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.” Why do we do this? I think the most obvious reason is that we were commanded to. In 3 Nephi 18:19 Jesus says, “Therefore ye must always pray to the Father in my name.” But the answer is much bigger than that. The answer encompasses the whole Plan of Salvation. Mortality is required for our progression, but mortality is what makes us prisoners to sin and error. Because of our Heavenly Father’s glorified state, our imperfection cannot tolerate his presence. When Christ came and lived his mortal life perfectly, then offered himself for atonement of our sins, He became the bridge between that perfect celestial glory and our imperfect mortality. Through his advocacy is the only way back to our Heavenly Father. In John 14:6 it says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life; no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” So when we pray in the name of Jesus Christ, we are partaking of that atonement. We are showing our faith in that great sacrifice that Christ made for us, and using his gift of the atonement to communicate with our Father in Heaven, who we are separated from.

That same mortality that keeps us from God’s presence also prevents his face to face communication with us. This is where the Holy Ghost comes in. Prayer leads to a connection with all three members of the Godhead. We pray to our Heavenly Father with the help of Jesus Christ and we receive comfort and answers from the Holy Ghost. Sometimes before I close my prayers, I take a minute or two to ask for the comfort of the Spirit, clear my mind, and just listen. I find that almost every time I do this I am blessed with that familiar warmth that testifies to me that God is there. I love Psalms 46: 10 where it says, “Be still and know that I am God.” What better time to do that than during prayer?

Answers to Prayers

Answers to our prayers don’t always come easily. When Joseph Smith was weighed down with grief and anguish in Liberty Jail, he felt isolated from the Lord. He cried, “O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?” Henry B. Eyring gave a talk during last October’s conference based on this desperate prayer by Joseph Smith. He said, “The pavilion that seems to intercept divine aid does not cover God but occasionally covers us. God is never hidden, yet sometimes we are, covered by a pavilion of motivations that draw us away from God and make Him seem distant and inaccessible. Our own desires, rather than a feeling of “Thy will be done,” create the feeling of a pavilion blocking God. God is not unable to see us or communicate with us, but we may be unwilling to listen or submit to His will and His time.”

What are the things that create pavilions in your life that block communication from heaven? In his talk, President Eyring mentioned our motivations and desires. We can create a barrier to knowing God’s will or feeling His love for us if we insist on our timetable and ignore that God may have a bigger plan. Another mentioned pavilion that hides you from God may be the fear of man. President Eyring said, “Many of you, as I have, have felt fear in approaching someone you have offended or who has hurt you.” I think my struggle is even less direct, I have the fear of being hurt, which often inhibits me from reaching out in the first place. If we look to the Savior’s example, his only motivation was to help people, and the Lord will help “melt hearts” if we are willing to “extend love and forgiveness.” I would like to add my own pavilion that has blocked me from feeling Heavenly Father’s love for me, and that is being physically negligent. We are spiritual beings having a physical experience. Our physical bodies are the vessel to all of our experiences while we are in mortality, and if we don’t take care of our bodies, the conduit for spiritual experiences can feel foggy or obscured.

I read an article once written by a member of the Church who left the church. His reasoning for leaving was that he never got an answer to prayer. He said he never felt the Spirit, and when he prayed about the Book of Mormon, he never got the confirmation that was promised at the end of Moroni. Someone told him he didn’t have enough faith and he needed to pray again with more faith. He was turned off by this answer, which is understandable, and became convinced that many in the church were making up spiritual experiences because they didn’t want to confess that they didn’t have enough faith, either.  This story made me sad on so many levels. First, I was sad that this man hadn’t felt or recognized the comfort of the Holy Ghost. I can testify that the Spirit is real and spiritual experiences are available to us all. I have felt the constant and encouraging and comforting influence, and occasionally words from the Holy Ghost. Second, I was sad that he felt the need to impose his lack of belief onto so many others falsely. His claim that “lack of faith” was the problem is something I want to address.

Faith is a spiritual gift. Some are blessed with it more readily than others. Some have to work for it, seek it out and ask for it. Faith doesn’t always come easily. Elder Bednar once described faith as intent to act. If we pray with the intent to do as we are prompted or do what we know is right, we can keep the lines of communication open to heaven. Faith isn’t necessarily based on having spiritual experiences. Faith is a blessing of obedience. I spoke about obedience six months ago, and I have a strong testimony that our knowledge and faith will be increased if we try obedience to the commandments of God.

I know that prayer is real. Heavenly Father is listening to our pleading, watching us, and waiting for us to be ready for His blessings. I know that the Lord speaks to us through the Holy Spirit and it is through the Holy Spirit that we can learn how to live our lives in a way for us to be happy and safe.

Psion series continues...

I had the awesome opportunity to design two more covers for Jacob Gowans Psion series. These books get better with each installment.

Psion Delta is book #3 and probably the cover I'm most satisfied with compared to the previous two. I finally feel like I have a better grip on graphic design as art (as opposed to graphic design as marketing and craft, which is what I've focused on in the past).

Psion Gamma is book #2. This one came out right after I had my second child. It's kind of a miracle the cover turned out at all! I was in such a strange and foggy mindset when I was designing this cover.

Obedience with eyes wide open

I gave this talk at church last July. I thought I'd post it here so I could keep track of it. It's far from polished and I'm sure I didn't give it as written word-for-word, but I hope if you're interested in reading it, you will get something good out of it.

I’ve never lived in a town as small as Jonesville before, so I’ve been amused as I meet people in town who instantly know I am not from around here. They want to ask question after question about who I am, where I’m from, what house I’m living in, but the most frequently asked question often while giving me a quizzical expression is, “what brought you here?” with the emphasis carefully placed on “here” as if Jonesville were so small we shouldn't have been able to find it. The answer is: my husband got a job at the hospital. In the few days I’ve had to explore around town, I’ve already grown to love this area. I grew up in Minnesota, so the landscape with its majestic trees, rolling hills and hidden lakes feels familiar to me. 

A week ago a news article came out with the headline, “Mormons quit church in mass resignation ceremony.” The article told a story about several dozen people who felt so oppressed by their membership in the church that they felt the need to make a performance about requesting to remove their names from the church. The article itself was sensationalized, and the “ceremony” was an over-the-top display meant to garner media attention. One of the quotes out of the article said, “The Utah-based Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is known for its culture of obedience, and the mass ceremony was a seldom-seen act of collective revolt.” Another quote read “…a participant…said she quit over a "culture of abuse" which she believes is cultivated by church teachings promoting obedience.” 

I’ve seen this theme before in the news and among people who know little about our religion. They attribute our decisions in life to blind obedience. The author made it seem like this “seldom-seen act of collective revolt” is because we as a religion are oppressed and forced to live a certain way. If only he understood how much we as a religion value the agency we have been blessed with to choose how to direct our lives. The power to choose is truly at the core of our religion. In fact, the author asked a church spokesman about the resignations, he said the church loves and respects each member. "People make their own decisions about the direction they will follow in life. ...It is sad to see someone choose to leave. We wish them well."

Carved across the wooden mantle above my parents’ fireplace reads one of my favorite scriptures regarding our understanding of agency, “Choose you this day whom ye will serve…but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

What the critics of Mormonism really don’t understand is why we would choose to serve the Lord, why we would choose obedience. It puzzles them that we can be united in following our leaders and yet independent in knowing for ourselves. By faithfully choosing to be obedient to the commandments of God and the direction from our leaders, we are also choosing the consequence of obedience. That consequence is primarily to know the truth of the principles we are practicing, but along with that testimony, we are also blessed with specific blessings related to the topic of our obedience. Let me explain how I understand these consequences.

Obedience can be tested:

While working towards my Bachelor’s of Science at BYU, I took several Physics classes in which I learned various laws of physics. Although these laws are written by men, they were not created by men. They are rather descriptions of rules that exist to govern the physical world around us. For example, the Law of Gravity teaches that objects with mass attract one another. Gravity is the agent that gives weight to objects with mass and causes them to fall to the grown when dropped. A man can try to disobey the law of gravity by jumping from a tree branch and hoping to fly, but the consequences of this kind of disobedience are fixed. He will always fall. It is a law that cannot be re-written by governments. Disobedience to the laws of physics have natural consequences and the consequences will always be the same.

Similarly, there is a law of heaven that we learn about in D&C 130:20-21. It reads, “There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.” Just like the laws of physics, this law of heaven is irrevocable. It is fixed. The consequences of obedience or disobedience will always be the same. I remember making this connection when I was in college. By determining that the laws of heaven are similar to the laws of physics, it stood to reason that they can be put to the test. Our religion is unique in that we challenge our members to discover that the gospel is true on their own. I remember forming an experiment in my mind that tested the blessings of scripture study. For a week I wouldn’t touch my scriptures and then I would analyze my state of mind, mood, and emotions. The next week I would read every day and then do another self-analysis. The difference was remarkable! Not only did I feel more calm, happy and confident when I regularly read the scriptures, I felt like I was able to perform better on my schoolwork and improve my relationships with others around me.

Obedience --> knowledge/blessings:

That experiment was specific to scripture study, but the same principle can be tested on all of God’s commandments. John 7:17 says, “If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself.” So essentially, any commandment can be put to the test. If you want to know if it’s from God, try it and see what happens. According to John, if it is from God, faithful obedience to that commandment will lead to the knowledge of its truth. Dallin H. Oaks said, “Knowledge encourages obedience, and obedience enhances knowledge.” Our obedience is not blind when we act upon knowledge taught or learned in the realm of our action. “when the Holy Ghost gives our souls a witness of the truth … our choice to follow those teachings is not blind obedience.”

Even more than just a knowledge and testimony of truth, obedience to God’s commandments can bring tangible blessings. For example, obeying the word of wisdom has direct and obvious benefits to our health. Obedience to the repeated plea from modern prophets to establish a food storage has saved many families in hard times, including mine. My previous landlord was moved by a persuasive talk in October 1998 General Conference by President Hinckley to pay off his home mortgage as soon as possible, even though he had a stable career and the economy was strong. He heeded that commandment to get out of debt. Ten years later he had lost his job, but could manage to get by on considerably less income because his expenses were low and he had no debt. I’ve heard story after story about blessings being poured out upon faithful members who sacrifice much to pay tithing and fast offerings.

Perhaps less obvious but still powerful are the intangible blessings that come from obedience: wisdom, insight, a heart full of charity, patience, calm feelings of safety and security in spite of turmoil.

All of these examples and more teach me that obeying the Lord’s commandments is not meant to be oppressive, but freeing. Obedience leads to blessings and safety. When you recognize that connection, you are excited to be obedient in the future.

Obedience --> The presence of the Holy Ghost:

By far, the most important blessing that comes from obedience is the companionship of the Holy Ghost. After we are baptized, we sit under the hands of a worthy priesthood holder who bestows upon us the sacred gift of the Holy Ghost. I was baptized when I was eight, but it wasn’t until I was in my twenties that I started to really understand what it meant to have the Holy Ghost as my constant companion. I’m still figuring it out, but I do know it is possible to be blessed with the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost through our obedience. Living my life so that I can experience this relationship every day is one of the most important goals I can think of.

Elder Bednar taught, “Obedience opens the door to the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. And the spiritual gifts and abilities activated by the power of the Holy Ghost enable us to avoid deception—and to see, to feel, to know, to understand, and to remember things as they really are. You and I have been endowed with a greater capacity for obedience precisely for these reasons.” (Bednar, Things as they really are)

The companionship of the Holy Ghost is such a delicate and sweet experience that once tasted, learned from, inspired by, and comforted by, I can’t understand who would want to abandon that gift to disobedience.

Repentence:

Of course, disobedience happens, but it doesn’t have to discourage us for long. This past week as I read in the Book of Mormon, my eyes lingered on Mosiah 26:30 for several minutes. “Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me.” I think I was struck by the word “often”. As mortals, we are often trespassing on sacred things. Sometimes the same error happens over and over again. Knowing that the Lord will forgive us our trespasses every single time we repent is a powerful expression of His love for us. I thought of my own children, especially my 3 year-old who is learning how to assert her independence, sometimes through disobedience, and realized it’s not always easy to forgive repeated infringements. From her perspective, it’s not always easy to offer up a repentant heart, either.

When Scott and I were first married, he told me doing the dishes reminded him of repentance. The dishes will always get dirty, but if we repent, they can always be cleaned to shine like new. Sometimes the scum is harder to remove, but it always can be removed and the dishes will be clean.

I remember being struck while reading through the Doctrine and Covenants how often we are told not to just repent, but to preach repentance to each other. It inspired a journal entry over ten years ago that went like this:

 “March 27, 2002: Prophets of all ages, Latter-day and ancient have rejoiced in crying repentance unto the world. Too often it seems like when we are told to repent, we take offense like we’re being pointed out as sinners. But duh! We are sinners! We are all sinners! So why do the prophets care so much to rub in in our face? Well, that’s not what they’re doing. By pleading for us to repent, they are telling us they love us. They are trying to tell us how much our Savior loves us. If we don’t repent, we will ignore the atonement and sacrifice of our Savior and his great sacrifice would be for naught. It is His gift to us that we have had all of our sins borne for us. The prophets are saying, Take this gift. Feel of the great love the Savior has for us. Repentance is not something to shun, but to embrace. The prophets beg for us to repent for the purpose of our own happiness and salvation. Why else would they? They don’t get anything personally from our repentance. But they know how sweet the forgiveness of Jesus Christ is and they want to share that joy with everyone. They love us like our Heavenly Father loves us and want us all to dwell in happiness and celestial glory.

“It is a compliment if someone righteous asks you to repent. That means they love you so much they want to be with you and they want you to be happy.”

President Monson has said, “There is no fog so dense, no night so dark, no gale so strong, no mariner so lost but what the lighthouse of the Lord can rescue. It beckons through the storms of life. It calls, “This way to safety. This way to home.” It sends forth signals of light easily seen and never failing. If followed, those signals will guide you back to your heavenly home.”

So why do I choose to obey? Because I understand that the commandments of God are an instruction manual to freedom, happiness and success. God is our Heavenly Father. He loves us. He wants to live with us because he loves us so much. The only way we can return to live in his glorified presence is by accepting the challenge of this mortal life and live in a way that keeps us pure and clean. The only way to keep pure and clean is to obey the commandments he has given us.

Occasionally there are commandments, parts of the doctrine or traditions of the church that I don't fully understand. I like the analogy of the puzzle I've heard a few times: The Gospel is a puzzle that we put together piece by piece through our lives. I've gotten confirmation from the Holy Ghost that the whole picture is true, even if I have several pieces that I don't know how to fit yet. Because of the power of the Spirit, I know those pieces will eventually fall into place if I keep my focus on the whole picture and the guidance of the Spirit. I have a strong testimony in the power of faithful obedience. I love the Savior and feel confident in the peace he gives to me. I know He’s watching over me and by heeding the commandments and the promptings of the Holy Ghost I will be safe and happy.