Potential

My first illustration with Copic markers, copied from Fairyopolis.

Sometimes I feel like I've been unusually blessed with very visible talents. Then, in the next heartbeat, I feel so unrefined, like I'm the jack of all trades, master of none. I often ponder on the parable of the talents that Christ taught in the New Testament and how that applies to me. What am I doing with the talents I've been given? Am I improving upon them? When the time comes for accounting, will it look more like I've been holding back what I've been given in fear of what would happen if I let it out? Or in fear that I won't be able to multiply what I've been given?

During my senior year of high school, the yearbook committee requested favorite quotes from seniors to put in the yearbook. The one I submitted went something like this: One's greatest adversary is one's own potential. Sometimes I still feel that way. I feel like I have this enormous potential taunting me, but I don't know how to realize it.

From the cover of Little Quack's New Friend

Well, there's been a convergence of events and circumstances that have brought me back to contemplating the development of my potential. First, I don't have career-oriented responsibilities outside of homemaking. I am unemployed. This is a blessing and a curse considering my stage in life. Second, as of last year's resolutions, I've felt the need to re-visit old dreams, which include using and developing my talents. Third, as a birthday gift I asked for and received some professional Copic markers to start what will become a collection. Fourth, the author who I've done several book covers for (Jacob Gowans) has a series that has been picked up by a publisher (hooray!). The series--was called The Storyteller's Tale, now called A Tale of Light and Shadow--only had one book so far, and I did the cover for it (I never posted it on this site, oddly). Now that it's been picked up by Shadow Mountain, of course he's getting all the professional courtesy and attention that he deserves, including an official cover artist. My socks were knocked off when I learned that his cover artist would be Brandon Dorman. I felt so happy for him, and so awkwardly inadequate, too.

I have to say, I have admired Brandon Dorman's illustrations since I read the Fablehaven series years ago. He did the art on the cover and interior chapter headings. I've even rented some of Brandon Dorman's children's books from the library because I enjoy his illustration so much. He is really a fabulous illustrator, so whimsical, clever in his angles and composition, amazingly sensitive and expressive in his color choices.... He does stunning work.

Olaf from Frozen using Copic markers.

Which led me to this realization: I covet his talent. I'm reading the Old Testament right now in my scripture studies so when that thought came to me I immediately retorted with the thou-shalt-not's in the ten commandments. But this is different. Paul said "But covet earnestly the best gifts" (1 Cor. 12:31) in an effort to lead the saints toward perfection. I can develop what I have been given by seeking for the passion and inspiration I need to fill this potential that I sense within me. The Lord blesses with spiritual gifts if we ask for them.

Just a couple days ago I was reading about Bezaleel, the artisan who was personally selected by the Lord to create the most sacred of artifacts for the tabernacle. Of him, Moses said, "And he hath filled him with the spirit of God, in wisdom, in understanding, and in knowledge, and in all manner of workmanship." (Exodus 35:31) Not only that, but he was blessed to be able to teach others of his knowledge. What an honor! What a glorious set of talents to have! What would it be like to be personally selected by the Lord and filled with his spirit and knowledge to create things of beauty to glorify Him? I can only imagine.

Little Bear imagining himself playing with a mermaid. Originally by Maurice Sendak.

I was contemplating all these thoughts in my prayers the other night and a thought came to me. "Now is the time to polish yourself." I will take that to heart. I'm not sure what that entails right now, but I'm going to work on it.

So far, I have been making a consistent effort to sketch more. I have become so used to doing digital vector art and working on a time crunch, more concerned about efficiency than quality or development, since that is what my former job required of me. I have gotten out of the habit and comfort of sketching by hand. To get back into it, I'm copying characters from my children's stories. I ultimately want to become comfortable with my new markers, be able to think creatively without requiring a visual prop as a resource, and develop my own illustration style.

Ana from Frozen using Copic markers.

I'm not only polishing myself with my artistic talents, I also have plans for my musical ones. I've been playing the piano almost every day lately, and feel more comfortable there than I ever have. I'm also developing different angles of my vocal performance, one of which I get to perform on Saturday at the local theater! Yay! Adventures await me, I can feel it.

C.S. Lewis = inspiration

I was recently asked to pick a book and lead discussion for a book club and I picked C.S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce." The leader of the book club knew of my Aslan painting and asked if I would talk about the way C.S. Lewis inspired my artwork, too.

Aslan, lost in the toy room behind piles of puzzles.

Lately, I've been trying to rediscover some of my old dreams, and this inspiration points to one of my dream projects that I'd like to re-discover.  I painted the above painting, and all the below sketches (except one) around eight years ago. When I was painting Aslan, I dreamed of painting a whole series of religious symbolism in the Chronicles of Narnia. Aslan, obviously, is the Christ.

The second painting would be the Crucifixion, but I think I would title it "Breaking the bonds of death." I planned on having a detailed stone table with a crack down the middle. In the background would be a dramatic sunrise framed by the silhouettes of arching branches.

I remember after sketching this being really disappointed at the precarious look and frailty of the stone table. Breaking the bonds of death is a big deal, a miracle, not something that could happen casually because of poor construction. I compare the stone table to the rent in the temple veil after Christ died on the cross. They say the temple veil was a hand's width thick. I've also heard three inches and four inches. I don't have any authoritative sources for that information, but that's what I imagine when I think of a rent veil. It was a completely impossible, miraculous miracle that the veil was ripped. I wanted the stone table to feel that way, too.

So I did research on historical and fictional sacrificial tables/altars and languages. I eventually felt like the one in the middle of the right page below gave the feel I was looking for, inspired by a sacrificial table from Luxor, Egypt, engraved with a language that I made up.

The third painting would be the Resurrection. When Aslan goes to the White Queen's court filled with creatures she has turned to stone, he breathes on them and brings them back to life, one by one. I envisioned a massive courtyard completely filled with dynamic creatures. The left half of the image would be vibrant with color and motion, Lucy dancing with Mr. Tumnus in unbridled joy, characters embracing each other again after untold amounts of time being separated by the immobility of stone. The right half of the image would be dark, dreary and gray, creatures frozen in stone, bodies in various positions. The legs of the giant would have color growing up from the feet, slowly working up the legs while Susan watched in amazement. The center of the image would be Aslan, calmly, patiently working his way through the courtyard. His regal calm is in contrast to the chaotic joy around him.

I'm kind of embarrassed by this sketch. I had clearly been sketching a lot of lions around this time, because Aslan seemed easy and well proportioned. My horses are atrocious. I have a unicorn, a pegasus, a centaur, and a generic horse rear in this that all need a tremendous amount of realistic horse character. I had another page where I wrote a list of all the creatures listed in the courtyard from the book, and on that page I had a few sketches that were similarly embarrassing (I didn't take a photo of that page).

Coming back to this 8 years later, it's obvious that this painting is the one that will take the most work, preparation, creativity, planning, etc. So, a couple weeks ago I rented a "how to draw horses" book from the library. I always disliked those kinds of books, but I needed to start somewhere. Here are some of my sketches from the past couple weeks.

The first three paintings came from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, but the rest of my ideas for religious symbolism come from other books in the series. In The Magician's Nephew, we hear the story of the creation of Narnia. One scene in the book struck me as a particularly stunning image representing Adam and Eve struggling over the forbidden fruit, which in this case is a bell that they are not supposed to ring. This painting would be called Forbidden Fruit. The sketch is only vaguely suggestive, and might not make sense unless you've read the book.

Make your choice, adventurous Stranger;

Strike the bell and bide the danger,

Or wonder, till it drives you mad,

What would have followed if you had.

One of the things that is so fascinating to me about this "Eden" as it would be, is the static nature of the world the two main characters were on. There were hundreds of people who were completely static figures. The room was filled with magic, but nothing could change... until the bell was hit. Our understanding of Eden is similar in that everything in the Garden remained the same until the first transgression.

I also had ideas for Repentence (Eustace as the Dragon in Voyage of the Dawn Treader) and several other gospel topics that escape me now. I'm kind of fired up about it again, but I don't know how realistic it is that I'll be able to work on this series. I'll see what I can do and keep you updated.

Impossible Jobs

My husband says I have a knack for nearly impossible home improvement projects. I start with an expectation of difficulty, but discover a reality of near impossibility.

Current example: Removing wallpaper from the kids' bedroom wall in our rental home. There was blue striped floral wallpaper that was essentially falling off the walls at certain spots. It needed to go. I got the required permission from the landlord and started the task, knowing wallpaper removal was a tough job.

Under the blue striped wallpaper I discovered a layer of dull green paint, a layer of peach paint, maybe a layer of pink paint, and two more layers of wallpaper on top of the original plaster walls.

Who thinks it's a good idea to paint over wallpaper? Not me. I'm saving the worst wall for last. A previous resident here tried to paint over the peeling blue striped floral wallpaper and failed. It's bubbling to the point that my three year old can easily tear off patches--but only patches. Sheesh. Old house charm, I guess. I hope I can finish this project with my sanity intact.

I have big lovely plans of white wainscotting and warm gray walls with splashes of colorful wall hangings when I'm done with the nightmarish wallpaper removal.

Grinding wheat? Soaking grains? Sounds like a lot of work...

But I'm starting to think it's worth a try.

It started with my sister. She has had digestion problems for years and has tried everything in the book-elimitating certain foods, recipes galore, vegetarianism, even yoga to see if it helped her digestion. She's visited several doctors and all have said "reduce stress and eat more soluble fiber." She was at a point where if she tried to consume more fiber she would've turned into a tree. And still she had painful and poor digestion.

A couple months ago she came across a book that took food preparation back to the pre-industrial days. It was one of the few things she hadn't tried yet so she thought she'd have a go. It worked. She has never felt better. The benefits have extended beyond just improving digestion. She has more energy, doesn't feel like she's battling depression all the time, she has better memory and focus. She couldn't say enough good things about it when I was talking on the phone with her.

So I thought I'd do some research of my own. You should know that I've always tried to avoid overly processed food. I've never trusted some of those ingredients lists, they just don't seem right. In my research I've discovered there are a lot of conspiracy theorists and fear-mongerers out there. I'm not trying to do that. I'm just trying to find facts to help me take better care of my body and my family. However, In the Doctrine and Covenants there is a chapter referred to as the "Word of Wisdom" that talks about what is and isn't good for our bodies. There is a verse that says "In consequence of evils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of conspiring men in the last days, I have warned you, and forewarn you, by giving unto you this word of wisdom by revelation." So even though I am not a conspiracy theorist, the fact is there is a lot of greedy companies out there who are only looking at their bottom line, not at what their product does to your body.

I decided to approach my research as instructed in Matthew 10:16, "be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves," discerning between the fear-mongers and the truth-sayers.

I've found TONS of information out there. I want to use this as a reference for me for some of the more poignant articles I've found, so I'll probably add to this post as time goes on.

1. About Phytic acid and nutrients in grains
2. Be kind to your grains... and your grains will be kind to you
3. The value of soaking your own grains
4. The Ploy of Soy

I haven't changed anything about how I prepare my food yet, but I will, and I will document it here. This may be one of the largest experiments I've tried yet.

Cupcake Craving

I've been wanting to make cupcakes for a few weeks now. I had a great excuse this week because yesterday was a church dance and I was asked to bring refreshments! Cupcakes, here we come.

I wanted to try a new basic yellow cake recipe I found on allrecipes.com. It worked like a charm. Fluffy, moist and sweet. I like homemade cake much better than boxed cake mix. The frosting was a modification of the frosting in this recipe, but I left out some stuff and added grenadine so there was a slight cherry flavor and pink tint.

I used a big star frosting tip for the first time. It made frosting these a cinch! It was super fast and looked better than frosting with a knife. Then I added something that made them look even prettier.

Cherries!

p.s. For future reference, someday I want to order cupcake wrappers from here. The solid color wrappers stay opaque when you bake them, not like the above example of nearly transparent wrappers.

Quintessential Chocolate Cake

I taught my sister-in-law some cake making techniques with this recipe I found on allrecipes. It's a really good basic chocolate cake recipe and the frosting has a delicious sour cream tang.

I stole this photo from my sister-in-law's blog.

It was fun to make the cake together with her little girl helping. I'm excited to experiment and add different flavors and ingredients. One of my grandma's most beloved desserts was chocolate cake with cherries mixed into the batter. I would love to develop my own version of her cake.

Another reason for a sewing machine

Love these!

They were a Christmas gift from my sister-in-law, Nettie. I love that they are handmade. I love that they are patchwork (what a great way to hide stains!). I love that they are pink and orange (girly and food-colored). I love that the bib fits the Babe perfectly. I love the fabric patterns. The Babe loves to cuddle with her bibs while wearing them (I know, it gets messy) and I love that with these bibs rather than cringing at how she's spreading food all over her face, it's really CUTE when she cuddles, cause it's like a blanket.

I want to make these someday. Maybe I'll ask Nettie for the pattern. Maybe I'll wing it. Maybe one day I'll actually have a sewing machine.

Puppets on the brain

I've always loved puppets. Almost every time I go Christmas shopping for nieces and nephews one of the items on my list of possibilities is puppets. And almost every time I can't find any. I'm not including finger puppets or puppets that are $30+. I grew up with puppets and a homemade wooden puppet theater made by my dad (with stage lighting and retractable curtains!) that was played with incessantly by six kids. It was awesome, even with just two puppets (which was all that was left by the time that I was old enough to play with it).


The other day Grace and I were watching baby einstein on youtube when it hit me. I could make puppets. Looking at the baby einstein puppets made me realize it would be easy to have a basic hand puppet pattern and modify it slightly for different animals.
I'm totally excited now. I've done more research and still haven't decided exactly what kind of puppets to make. There are so many possibilities! Maybe I'll make a couple puppets of different varieties and see which ones I like best.

I'm even dreaming farther in the future, if I really like making puppets I could start and etsy shop. There have got to be other people out there like me who think puppets are some of the most awesome toys ever and there is a serious lack of them in the affordable market.


Now I just need a sewing machine. Well, this is the beginning of my wish list.