Potential

My first illustration with Copic markers, copied from Fairyopolis.

Sometimes I feel like I've been unusually blessed with very visible talents. Then, in the next heartbeat, I feel so unrefined, like I'm the jack of all trades, master of none. I often ponder on the parable of the talents that Christ taught in the New Testament and how that applies to me. What am I doing with the talents I've been given? Am I improving upon them? When the time comes for accounting, will it look more like I've been holding back what I've been given in fear of what would happen if I let it out? Or in fear that I won't be able to multiply what I've been given?

During my senior year of high school, the yearbook committee requested favorite quotes from seniors to put in the yearbook. The one I submitted went something like this: One's greatest adversary is one's own potential. Sometimes I still feel that way. I feel like I have this enormous potential taunting me, but I don't know how to realize it.

From the cover of Little Quack's New Friend

Well, there's been a convergence of events and circumstances that have brought me back to contemplating the development of my potential. First, I don't have career-oriented responsibilities outside of homemaking. I am unemployed. This is a blessing and a curse considering my stage in life. Second, as of last year's resolutions, I've felt the need to re-visit old dreams, which include using and developing my talents. Third, as a birthday gift I asked for and received some professional Copic markers to start what will become a collection. Fourth, the author who I've done several book covers for (Jacob Gowans) has a series that has been picked up by a publisher (hooray!). The series--was called The Storyteller's Tale, now called A Tale of Light and Shadow--only had one book so far, and I did the cover for it (I never posted it on this site, oddly). Now that it's been picked up by Shadow Mountain, of course he's getting all the professional courtesy and attention that he deserves, including an official cover artist. My socks were knocked off when I learned that his cover artist would be Brandon Dorman. I felt so happy for him, and so awkwardly inadequate, too.

I have to say, I have admired Brandon Dorman's illustrations since I read the Fablehaven series years ago. He did the art on the cover and interior chapter headings. I've even rented some of Brandon Dorman's children's books from the library because I enjoy his illustration so much. He is really a fabulous illustrator, so whimsical, clever in his angles and composition, amazingly sensitive and expressive in his color choices.... He does stunning work.

Olaf from Frozen using Copic markers.

Which led me to this realization: I covet his talent. I'm reading the Old Testament right now in my scripture studies so when that thought came to me I immediately retorted with the thou-shalt-not's in the ten commandments. But this is different. Paul said "But covet earnestly the best gifts" (1 Cor. 12:31) in an effort to lead the saints toward perfection. I can develop what I have been given by seeking for the passion and inspiration I need to fill this potential that I sense within me. The Lord blesses with spiritual gifts if we ask for them.

Just a couple days ago I was reading about Bezaleel, the artisan who was personally selected by the Lord to create the most sacred of artifacts for the tabernacle. Of him, Moses said, "And he hath filled him with the spirit of God, in wisdom, in understanding, and in knowledge, and in all manner of workmanship." (Exodus 35:31) Not only that, but he was blessed to be able to teach others of his knowledge. What an honor! What a glorious set of talents to have! What would it be like to be personally selected by the Lord and filled with his spirit and knowledge to create things of beauty to glorify Him? I can only imagine.

Little Bear imagining himself playing with a mermaid. Originally by Maurice Sendak.

I was contemplating all these thoughts in my prayers the other night and a thought came to me. "Now is the time to polish yourself." I will take that to heart. I'm not sure what that entails right now, but I'm going to work on it.

So far, I have been making a consistent effort to sketch more. I have become so used to doing digital vector art and working on a time crunch, more concerned about efficiency than quality or development, since that is what my former job required of me. I have gotten out of the habit and comfort of sketching by hand. To get back into it, I'm copying characters from my children's stories. I ultimately want to become comfortable with my new markers, be able to think creatively without requiring a visual prop as a resource, and develop my own illustration style.

Ana from Frozen using Copic markers.

I'm not only polishing myself with my artistic talents, I also have plans for my musical ones. I've been playing the piano almost every day lately, and feel more comfortable there than I ever have. I'm also developing different angles of my vocal performance, one of which I get to perform on Saturday at the local theater! Yay! Adventures await me, I can feel it.

Psion Alpha

Jacob Gowans invited me back to do the cover for his fourth book in the Psion series: Psion Alpha. There is a part in the novel about a psychopathic serial killer who paints a government logo on the wall in his victim's blood. The government logo is a flaming skull. I know, it sounds more like a horror story than a juvenile science fiction book, but it is not a horror. It is a fabulous juvenile fiction series that gets better with each book.

Well, Jacob really wanted the flaming skull in drippy blood on the cover of the 4th book. I can't say I've ever designed anything to look like dripping blood, not to mention a flaming skull, but I was interested in trying. After designing a flaming skull logo that we liked, I posted some paper on my wall and watered down my red acrylic paint and had a go with my hands trying for an authentic look. This is one of three attempts:



It was much too neat. I decided I couldn't sketch the skull logo out in pencil first (which I did above), I had to make it much bigger, I had to use poster board (my paper wrinkled too much), I had to have a bowl full of paint, use my whole hand, and I had to do it fast.



On the third attempt, I got it! Pretty gory...

We didn't want the cover to be too gruesome, so we tried changing the color. Here is how it turned out:



I think it turned out adequately creepy, but not too gory. Just right.

I really like the flaming skull logo we came up with. I made it into a governmental patch for the back cover.



I'm sure glad we don't live in a post-apocalyptic government that has such an intimidating logo for their elite squad of soldiers.

Procrastination, thy name is dragon.

Isn't it funny how I never feel like doodling until there's actual work projects to be done? (The babe colored in the red tongue. She did pretty well for a 4 year-old!)

C.S. Lewis = inspiration

I was recently asked to pick a book and lead discussion for a book club and I picked C.S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce." The leader of the book club knew of my Aslan painting and asked if I would talk about the way C.S. Lewis inspired my artwork, too.

Aslan, lost in the toy room behind piles of puzzles.

Lately, I've been trying to rediscover some of my old dreams, and this inspiration points to one of my dream projects that I'd like to re-discover.  I painted the above painting, and all the below sketches (except one) around eight years ago. When I was painting Aslan, I dreamed of painting a whole series of religious symbolism in the Chronicles of Narnia. Aslan, obviously, is the Christ.

The second painting would be the Crucifixion, but I think I would title it "Breaking the bonds of death." I planned on having a detailed stone table with a crack down the middle. In the background would be a dramatic sunrise framed by the silhouettes of arching branches.

I remember after sketching this being really disappointed at the precarious look and frailty of the stone table. Breaking the bonds of death is a big deal, a miracle, not something that could happen casually because of poor construction. I compare the stone table to the rent in the temple veil after Christ died on the cross. They say the temple veil was a hand's width thick. I've also heard three inches and four inches. I don't have any authoritative sources for that information, but that's what I imagine when I think of a rent veil. It was a completely impossible, miraculous miracle that the veil was ripped. I wanted the stone table to feel that way, too.

So I did research on historical and fictional sacrificial tables/altars and languages. I eventually felt like the one in the middle of the right page below gave the feel I was looking for, inspired by a sacrificial table from Luxor, Egypt, engraved with a language that I made up.

The third painting would be the Resurrection. When Aslan goes to the White Queen's court filled with creatures she has turned to stone, he breathes on them and brings them back to life, one by one. I envisioned a massive courtyard completely filled with dynamic creatures. The left half of the image would be vibrant with color and motion, Lucy dancing with Mr. Tumnus in unbridled joy, characters embracing each other again after untold amounts of time being separated by the immobility of stone. The right half of the image would be dark, dreary and gray, creatures frozen in stone, bodies in various positions. The legs of the giant would have color growing up from the feet, slowly working up the legs while Susan watched in amazement. The center of the image would be Aslan, calmly, patiently working his way through the courtyard. His regal calm is in contrast to the chaotic joy around him.

I'm kind of embarrassed by this sketch. I had clearly been sketching a lot of lions around this time, because Aslan seemed easy and well proportioned. My horses are atrocious. I have a unicorn, a pegasus, a centaur, and a generic horse rear in this that all need a tremendous amount of realistic horse character. I had another page where I wrote a list of all the creatures listed in the courtyard from the book, and on that page I had a few sketches that were similarly embarrassing (I didn't take a photo of that page).

Coming back to this 8 years later, it's obvious that this painting is the one that will take the most work, preparation, creativity, planning, etc. So, a couple weeks ago I rented a "how to draw horses" book from the library. I always disliked those kinds of books, but I needed to start somewhere. Here are some of my sketches from the past couple weeks.

The first three paintings came from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, but the rest of my ideas for religious symbolism come from other books in the series. In The Magician's Nephew, we hear the story of the creation of Narnia. One scene in the book struck me as a particularly stunning image representing Adam and Eve struggling over the forbidden fruit, which in this case is a bell that they are not supposed to ring. This painting would be called Forbidden Fruit. The sketch is only vaguely suggestive, and might not make sense unless you've read the book.

Make your choice, adventurous Stranger;

Strike the bell and bide the danger,

Or wonder, till it drives you mad,

What would have followed if you had.

One of the things that is so fascinating to me about this "Eden" as it would be, is the static nature of the world the two main characters were on. There were hundreds of people who were completely static figures. The room was filled with magic, but nothing could change... until the bell was hit. Our understanding of Eden is similar in that everything in the Garden remained the same until the first transgression.

I also had ideas for Repentence (Eustace as the Dragon in Voyage of the Dawn Treader) and several other gospel topics that escape me now. I'm kind of fired up about it again, but I don't know how realistic it is that I'll be able to work on this series. I'll see what I can do and keep you updated.